I am the richest guy in the world.

I'm the guy in the jazz song who says:

"I don't pay income tax
'cause that's just chicken feed.
When the mint runs short.
I call and say, 'What do you need?'"

Just today, I turned down millions of dollars from Angola, Zimbabwe and Nigeria. Millions. Free money. Why me? Because people in those countries know how reliable I am, that's why.

And the lottery money. Millions from Amsterdam. Millions from Mexico City. I don't even answer the e-mails. What do I need with a few million more?

Startups want me on their board of directors. Entrepreneurs want to trade links. I can get Viagara for nothing.

I'm filthy rich. Stinko. Money lies around begging me to pick it up. I don't even lean over. I can't be bothered. I'm king of a cyber universe. Where others see spam, I see untold riches, stretching into an unending virtual future.