Monday, July 31, 2006

Heating up

As its name suggests, the Fire Fact Sheet from the Bureau of Indian Affairs normally is a no-nonsense report. But with high temperatures, gusty winds and dry lightning storms in the forecast today, the BIA waxes a bit lyrical:

Forest areas smell good this week; it's been so hot and dry that even the trees' aromatic oils are evaporating. Logs hold only 4% fuel moisture, only half as damp as kiln-dried lumber. Fires are burning actively all through the night.

Fuels Specialist Randy Pretty On Top said, "We're hanging in there, but with the weather they're predicting, I can hear the tune 'Garryowen' playing in my left ear."

Time to get Sen. Burns on the fireline!


Anonymous said...

Oh heck no! HECK no! Time to get "ranchers" on the fireline! Cornrad knows that ranchers will save the day. Shoot, they'll outwork them lazy slouch goofernuthin' hotshots ANY day! And ya know, I've been a'thinkin'. Maybe Cornrad's on to sumthin'. I think maybe we otter bring home all our troops from Iraq and send in the ranchers! Ya see, Cornrad's kinda of an expert on many things. Why I saw him in one of his commercials saying that since he worked in stockyards his whole life, he KNOWS what cow flop is! Well, he ought'a really know what it is now, since he STEPPED IN IT REAL GOOD! Course, maybe he could use all of this in his next commercial. He could hold up his cowboy boot, point to the bottom and say, "See this? This is cow dung. And I KNOW what cow dung is cause i've done STEPPED in it"! (always glad to try to help out the Corndog camp. THEY'RE GONNA NEED IT!)

Larry Kralj, Environmental Rangers!

Shane C. Mason said...

Oh, he'ld have a blast with Randy Pretty On Top.

Anonymous said...

I think Conrad should get on the fireline. He could put in some serious work with a heavy pack and other tools--and I am sure that with him on the line that no homes/buildings would ever be at risk.