From Professor Charles C. Saludo comes word that the Central Bank of Nigeria is sending me $10 million in "2 security proof boxes. The boxes are sealed with synthetic nylon seal and padded with machine." They will be accompanied by a diplomatic attache who does not know what the boxes contain, and the boxes are being "airlifted by the special Grace of God."
I'm sorry to hear that. If God is getting involved in Nigerian e-mail schemes, then things are really getting desperate.
Fortunately, I have other resources. Earlier this evening, the U.S. government, the United Nations and the World Bank approved a lottery award of $8.5 million to me. And just before noon, I won $780,000 in the West Africa Lottery. Early this morning, a Mr. Tony Owodimma informed me that he is sending me a $1.5 million "Cashier Draft." A few minutes before that, Lady Helen Crawford of Manchester, England, wrote to tell me that she is leaving me 25 million pounds in her will. Late last night, I won 915,810 pounds in the United Kingdom's National Loyalty CashOut Promo. The Internal Revenue Service discovered that I have a refund coming to me. And a Mr. Usman Meer Kalid of Iraq wants me to help him invest $24 million in blue chip stocks for a hefty share of the principal.
Other than that, I haven't won a damn thing all day.
UPDATE: Last night, all I won was a measly 500,000 pounds from Queen Elizabeth's Foundation. I don't know why I bother.